It seems like yesterday since I last wrote ... and yet it's been a while. Between work, household, love, books and music there is left so little time ... Just a word of thanks to you my readers for your time and enthousiasm. And I will return, soon!

You don't see the bruises ... you can't foresee the pain. It's intense, so deep and yet so volatile, in vain.

He slapped my head once more while he uttered for the millionth time the same old words again: "You're a loser and you'll never win. I hate for you to be my shadow as you put nothing upon me but shame".

There was only one thing he forgot: life and loyalty aren't about winning, losing, shadows or shame. It's beyond all of that human stuff, details that are nothing but obstacles ... to reach a higher goal, a common ground. A lot to leave behind: I betrayed.

The Lord has spoken

Come to the Lord
and say a prayer!

Whatever your Lord is,
Believe without condition
No matter what his churches say
No matter what they do
Believe everything they say
or else you're a heretic too.

Why not leave it all behind
And choose the path of the unknown
Where you can choose your way of life
And die in your own sweet sigh.

Mothers

There's a surprise for you!

Why did she think I would have been pregnant? I hadn't seen her for ages, neither people she knew, so it wasn't my weight ...

She opened the door, a sigh of relief on her face, thank God she thought ... She isn't.

The surprise was we came to visit, the thought of a newborn all hers.

Where hearts have no conquerors ...

Let's just rest and let the wind blow through our hair, while the mountains quake and the trees shake their leaves. Towards another destiny, a new world ... where greed is only a word without significance, hunger doesn't belong in a dictionary and money is only an archeological object.

Let's just talk and let our words be woven into a veil of tears. Where our hearts can have no conquerors, where we only seek to comprehend. Let's gain understanding, move into a different habit, symbolising what could have been.

Here, upon my deadbed, I call upon thee ... you the young and the weak. The deficient and mongrols of society, resist! The burden is upon you, my abnormal friends, to revolt, against this: the one that never questioned itself, the only so freaking selfsure and the true dominance of the individual.

There is a time to lay down and tolerate, there is a time to indulge and seek compromise but now ... now there is only a time to exterminate.

We.

I thought I was the eternal loner,
roaming around the world,
around the boundaries of existence.

My life was a mess
upside down and turned around
nothing was for the best.

Until I met him
a loner just like me
roaming his way through life,
roaming his way through me.

Was it luck, was it fate?
Destiny one would almost say.
All revolved around harmony,
all revolved around one,
the one and only
we.

All that's left

All that's left
are the ruins of before
nothing but a tangible evidence
of human's urge for more.

All the rest's gone up in smoke
songs, love, hate and life
everything of value
everything of true gold.

Humans are selfish
and that will be their demise
until there's nothing left
but a tangible evidence
of what could have been more.



More worth than just a recommendation!

Stancha

Per una volta sono stancha,

stancha di persistere
stancha di pensare a tutto che devo ancora fare
anche stancha di morire.

Ma persistero
la sola cosa che voglio
è sola un po di tempo per me stesso
per leggere, inventare, scoprire
le misteri di un passato lontano
e una letteratura grandiosa.

Work kills creativity

Work kills creativity
and nothing more

After two years sabbatical
the return is hard
hard like a brick
reality in your face like a brick.

But we all need money to get by ...
And that's how it works,
so for now let's swim.

It's dangerous for me to write right now,
it always is ...

I've had a few drinks
after a tough couple of days
And as I'm used to writing my heart's desire
or rather - what bothers me
I should keep quiet ...

And for this time I will

But there is a weeping in my song,
I didn't hear for many months
Let's just hope I awake tomorrow
happily and ever after,
as is expected
as is desired

Or let's just be us for a while
It's all I ask, nothing more
to enjoy the time we have
forever and after more.

Childless

Have you ever born a child?

No

Why not?

I fear it ...

I fear it will ruin my life.
I fear it will bring pain.
and I fear I won't be a good mother.
But it will bring pain
And I'm not ready for it.

The Lion

Another year changed, turbulent and wild. Where the horses are born, stallions galop into the horizon to be burnt by the evening sun. A word more, a word less, does it matter when you think about the progress?

"If all else fails you can still whip the horses eye"

I'm not sure if I whipped it, but reborn I was.

Another year closer to death ;-)



For those who like my poetry, here's a work you will love :-)

This is Not About What You Think

Moon river

Let's not fall in love
just for a while
you can have everything you want after
everything you desire ...

But, just for a moment,
consider me a human being.
Talk to me, make my mind dance
and especially make me swear ...

swear until the gods bring me down
corrupted as they are
their name brought in shame.

But there is a way
there is a light
Somewhere along the moon river
shining bright.

Chronicles from the accutely tired.

The girl with the golden earring never knew her fate.

But all I can think of is a decent bed and sleep. The traveling has wearied me and instead of resting I'm running around all day, doing everything and nothing at all. The only consolation is my return, but that too ... is another trip of 1300 km.

Love is a strange thing.

Preparing my next book?

It might be
and might come to that
let's just see
the guts I have.

For you my love

Paradise was a place
Where I never had been.
That only existed
in the mind of idolatry
in the mind of deceit.

Happiness may come a long way
it may not come at all
but my patience and perseverance
were rewarded with an oasis of joy,
you my love, my joy.

I feel defeated in advance
like energy is slowly sipping away
your blood once boiling
now calmly ... calmly flowing to the sea.

But I won't give in
I know this feeling too well
and I will beat it
till my blood boils again.

And then it hit me ...

I'm part of the working class girls again ... but I don't want to be a hero, let alone a heroïn. Those who follow me produce their image of me themselves and I'm not responsable for what they perceive me. All I needed was hope and belief and someone gave it to me, it doesn't make her a heroïn, but my gratitude will be carved in her tombstone.

I have lived a thousand lives and changed multiple times my whole way of life, the habitat, even the country, ... I don't seek it, change seeks me and stimulates me beyond what I think I'm capable of. Strength and tenacity are qualities that should be valued in red, golden and brown.

Write the five words down: hope, belief, change, strength and tenacity

Learn to live by them, but above all, learn what they mean when I add Panta Rhei.

This is written to you in Broken English, it's a message from the heart, the century and the mind ...

Live by it and you won't regret. Life of past times is but a shadow cast upon your presence, shadows follow, and should never preceed.

L.

To never sleep again ...

There is this book called 'To never sleep again'

It haunted me - for years I must say. An academic whose sole life purpose is to prove that comets can obtain alien micro life forms. Why did it haunt me? As the main character turns his back desillusioned and decided to give up, the narrator describes beautifully how a cometh with little alien life forms falls behind his back while walking away ...

When you give something a chance and maintain your belief in it, miracles can occur ...

When you disregard the chance out of security reasons or by giving up, the cometh will fall too but it will never see the light of day in your life ...

Luckily ... I persisted :). I can sleep again now.

Nooit meer slapen (BB literair) (Dutch Edition)

My Sisyphus

Undestined feelings of belonging
Undestined sentiment of death
if this is my utopia
I will gladly rest

til my day of glory comes
where I know
that I have loved, hated and cried
suffocated into happiness
and risen into the pain

My day of glory comes
cometh it will
and I'm glad

Life is not my punishment
immortality is
letting go is part of life
so I'm letting go of myself instead.

Nice work Pablo! ;)

I used to believe in the good old days

I used to believe in the good old days

The days of sorrowful eyes
where rain were angels' tears
and nobody wondered why ...

except me.

I used to ...

Now I believe in the days to come
the days of possible joy
where butterflies surround the sun
looking for that rainbow
for the years to come.

Thank you to those who shared and encouraged my voyage til where I am now.

Casey, I'm looking forward to reading your book! (Joseph you're next!)

this strangled life

Let's strangle opportunity
into the dark corners of the mind
where all repressed memories roam
where joy is still a shadow
waiting to be born.

Let me roam the darkness
Not for ever, just for now
So my mind can feel at ease again
In this regulated and blissful life.

Vortex

Relentlessly drawn downwards
as if it means nothing at all
Relentlessly drugged
as if it means nothing at all

But tomorrow
Things will be better
they don't have to
but they will

In between my lines

If you could read
in between my lines
what would they tell you?
Would you finaly grasp who I am?

Or does it still scare you
Someone who seems to be ungraspable
high above in the clouds with body, soul and mind.
For me, there is nothing not to be grasped about me
I'm not the enigma
The enigma remains why you can't grasp me ...
And above all, why that scares you.

Aren't we all masters in a way
Where mutual exchange takes place?

Aren't we all servants
to this life of disarray?

Aren't we all doomed
To bear what comes?

And above all,
aren't we all dead when our time has come?

The master and the servant, the servant and the master ... might be viewed from the wrong angle where the master is always superior.

Soon ...

I saw your name up front
like no one else would ever do
I sacrificied my heart
for people unworthy of you

but I found another way
or the way found me
I met another traveler
who volunteered to accompany me

my lover,
I hardly write about you
maybe partly out of wisdom
maybe just because I care so much about you.

I only insert amazon adds from books and writers I esteem very highly ... so I'm taking up the habit to include in every post a book recommendation :)

Magdalene & the Mermaids

Love is a precious thing
the most precious of it all ...
something not to joke around with
so I won't ...
I really won't.

Songs of heavens before

I sang into the open air
where noone could hear a word
I sang for flowers, butterflies and towers
but all I got was silence unheard.

Maybe it's for the better
Maybe it's for the best
My voice would give no meaning
To the words written down from above.


A song with lyrics from above, for Marilyn, my dear friend:

Tired stories
from the hells above
Tired hands
resting on love
Tired faces
of miracles unseen
Tired eyes
of beauty and misery in between.

I'ld love to see you this morning
in a velvet gown of lilies
I hope you'll find my eyes twinkling again
For a newfound joy I never had.

I thought of you this morning
And what you put me through
The time you said
We couldn't rest.

Interview on Quills of Fire!

Read my interview on Quills of Fire on http://www.hercircleezine.com !!

Buy your copy for 15 euros:

Just don't forget to mention your address ;). Thank you!

It does matter you know

So many people ...
so many lives ...
ruined.

It does matter you know ...

when sombody of violent character
threatens you with death,

when somebody tries
to rape you,

when somebody close to you
hits you like a boxing ball.

Where, how, who ...
matters so little
It leaves it's mark
Scars you
Scars everyone
The multitude of ruined lives.

A longdistancecall? What do they want this time?

I had a dream
And then came Love
I had to choose
I lost both, eitherway.

My exes haunt me in my dreams
The most shallow ones first.

A vision of a bedroom
The one from my first love
While listening to the breathing
Of an unimportant approach.

How alone can you get?
How isolated can you become?


Signed: the past.


And now? Let's talk another time
Situations change
People stay the same
But still ... love remains a complicated thing.

A blank slate

A future

Still to be written.

I loved to see you cry
The anger of your tears
welling down in a fountain of pain
the outburst after the drop
the fury of the passion

Maybe it's just me
Maybe it's the world
But it shows ...
emotion and passion still invoke fear.

"Let's say grace"

For that rosebud that never saw the light of day
For each leaf destroyed to hear that adorable crisp
For each animal butchered to savour that delicious taste.

For the millions of poor who don't get a chance
For the millions of nimrods who think they know the way
For the millions of depressed who no longer see a future
All drugged by medicines, society, religion, normalcy ...

But that's not all
Let's say grace
For the ones with the brains
For they are the ones
Who suffer ... to the bone.

So I say to you
Is it enough?
Is it really necessary to continue this road
Carving beyond redemption ...
All I can say is: I hope you enjoyed.

A road
Where hope hasn't left Pandora's box
Where hope is but an empty word
Cried out by the eyes of the millions slain.
Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just you, maybe it's just we.

There used to be a pain here
painted on the moist of my heart
blood slowly seeping in
dripping from the walls
slowly dripping
till the colour soaked my mind
oh so frigid, so unkind.
It used to be like this,
but is no more
thanks to the grace and kindness
of fortune and destiny combined in one.

Visions of before

I slid across the tracks
To be never seen no more
Disappearing into the night
A smiling moon behind me
Hardly ever so bright.

The moment is coming
To break all ties
To go for the unknown,
To hide of past lives.
To disappear into the light.

Where dreams come to juncture
there is nothing to be done
but realise those dreams
forever, till the moment comes.

This place can not be sanctified from heaven
it can not be sanctified from hell
there used to be a boundary between them
but nowadays it all just sounds swell

Let's unit for that kingdom that not cometh
and the knights who are turned to dust
Let them sleep in their shining armor
and be patient, shhh, one upon a time comes trust

Quills of Fire is finally HERE!

Contact me for orders, more information coming soon!

L.
slaapslaapslaap@hotmail.com