Friday, July 31, 2009

A moment of solemn joy

My firstborn :-)
... book that is coming, not there yet, but definitely coming.

When I heard the news
it was 2 am ...
I was happy, since ages
till I realised
I had noone to share it with
And then the tears came.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A talesome tell

Merciless he stood beside her feet
The final stroke was about to blow
When he heard this sound
An awkward moaning, whaling if you will.

Checking out, god knows there would be testifies
He came into a pink room
where a small baby waited for milk
Stretching it's innocent hands
to the blooded bat in his hands.

For a second he was confused
As if this rock of a heart
had been touched for the first time in so many years
Would he spare her, or orphan a child?
A tear rolled down his cheek,
he stood up and cast the final stone.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

When a heartbeat drives you mad

There used to be a thing called respect.
Friends? Where are they when you need them ...
Parents? You're an adult, take care of yourself.
Siblings? Maybe the good ones, the bad ones however ...
Love? If it comes your way and that's a big if
Loniless? All of my life.

I know what I'm worth and expect to be treated according to that.
I know my worth ...

Something new, old and borrowed.

Something new
A sunrise to set
A rainbow to catch
In a world of possibilities
If it were only true ...
I'ld agree.

Something old
Memories gone by
painfull or to cherrish
good and bad
something in between?
All I know is from a torn soul
Less good than bad, but some ...
some in that undefinable grey zone
we call life.

Something borrowed
Traits of your personality
Some sanctified, some disdained
From furious anger till passion unlimited
Let's just say ...
that the world itself is limited.

Something new, something old and something borrowed
The marriage can begin
Open the curtains
It's showtime
Let the audience in!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Boring times

Such boring days, such boring times
it seems the greatest news that Cohen is still alive
where is the taste, the finesse
recognising that pearl and take it for what it is?

Not just materialy, on the human side too
If you discover a pearl, cherish it
and don't try to change it into a pendant
cause a pendant it will never be ...

maybe it's just me ...

Monday, July 27, 2009

Words don't come that easily
When all is said and done
Maybe I was wrong
and you have no surface
Maybe I was wrong
and you are actualy proud of it
Maybe I was wrong
and maybe you don't have no surface
Shallow is what I saw

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ode to a donkey ...

You drove me to madness
or did I do it myself?

Let the rain wash away
the soiled black dust
to start a new ...
a new phase, a new life

but actualy,
only you were in the way this time
In this heated can of disarray
I didn't even look behind
and said goodbye, my love
you weren't worth the time ...

p.s. disclaimer, this is not to be taken personal by noone who reads this blog ;-)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Slide along the river,
sway along the tide
Let your body glide now
free from all behind

Free from all behind now
the hardship, the pain
that your mind has to endure

Let your body slide now
sway along the tide
glide along the river
free from all behind
Let my touch inflame your fire
Let my kiss intoxicate your desire
Allow me to love you
As you deserve ...
Allow yourself to be loved
even if it's unsure

To be in love was all that mattered
You didn't have to define or engender
I loved you for who you were
But you rose expectations
Only to withdraw ...

Who knew but him?

Gracefully she turned
her words were said
her deeds were done
all that was to remain
were the memories ...
hidden deep inside.

But, ...
if only he would have argued
would have swayed her into staying.
She would have been glad
and would have had more than memories
to abide

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A familiar hand touched my shoulder
sitting while I sang my incantation in blue
I didn't turn around for a moment,
cause for sure he would have seen the raindorps too
But I held my head, chanted instead an swallowed the tears away
To be able to greet him, as he deserved, as I did
My companion in crime, my soulmate in space,
cause for us time just doesn't seem to have a place.

Your touch would have driven away a week of tears
Your kiss a lifetime of memories
Your love would have made me happy
That's all it was ...
... and is.
And silence came over me ...

Watching the rain drown ...
Drown itself in the dirt,
the dirt of yesterdays hurt
The pain that drags you around
The soil never to be bound
Just the remains of nightly whispers
of the first cut
of the last

All will pass ...
Whether we want to or not

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

There was a will to live
and a will to stay
But to answer to your question?
Yes, I am tired yet

And so many more to come
Loss, grief, death
all a part of life
all a part of numb

Maybe it was meant to be this way
To suffer as one does
I still don't seem to comprehend
How futile, secondary and fast
Others seem to deal
with pain, loss and grief
Or is it considered
just a minor twist in their egocentricity?

Yes Love, I am tired yet ...

Monday, July 20, 2009

10 euros for a professionaly printed limited edition of poetry accompanied with art designed for my birthday. Everyone who wants one say ay!

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Dreams of the dead
awake sleeping memories

Dreams of exes
give joy and repent

Dreams of before
become nothing at all

Dreams of now
to be realised

Dreams of the future
so lucid, so bright
but also too high
for a creature
of this planitude
To reach up against the sun
and sway that dream
till the morning comes.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stolen delight

There used to be a nightingale
that sang a song each night I prayed.
Too bad I lost that heavenly sound
the day my hopes and dreams were smashed away.

Bright eyes

There used to be passion
running through my veins.
But the only one who seems
to answer to this plight
Is you my traveling man
A star that shines so bright.

There used to be fire
deepened with hardened desire.
I saw your fire burn
In your eyes ...
Oh so bright.

I feel lost my traveling man
maybe our paths will cross again
maybe not,
but if they do,
do not forget
to sing me that lullaby
That you promised me too soon.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


I'm good at pretending
pretending all is fine
pretending life isn't a bitch
pretending life is a precious gift.

Let's stop pretending
and be honest for a change
how many of you 'abnormal' people
would give this life a second chance

Oh to do it all over again
the thought makes me shiver
the loneliness, the heartache,
not to mention the pain
the pain that runs so deeply through my veins.

Dance upon the music vibes

But I feel so sad ...

Dance for me
on the winds of change
Guide me
through the rough ends of the rain

Guide me gently
in a morning dance
slide with me
till passion ends

And if that doesn't help
Let's run around naked in the rain
And taste that warm salty liquid
feel the grass between our toes
and make love, like we never did before.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Message interrupted ...

Drained from emotions
From energy
From Time
I see the nearest goal in sight
Persist, damned
If it's not up to you
you wouldn't have gotten this far.

Pain is what a man causes to weep ...
Hope is what a woman causes to rejoice ...
Maybe they're the same and both
and both and the same
but still there is a little difference
between a woman's hope and a man's grief.

Blue be the colour of the night

I was worried
of what you might think
reading for the first time
my thoughts, my feelings, my wims ...

As it will be for many
many belonging to real life
but I will accept your opinion
because I know, most of the time?
You're darn right.

There's so much still inside of me
Waiting to be written, told, laughed and joked about
Maybe there will be a time for that
But if not: happy to have known you,
no matter how brief it was.

Incantation in blue - mandelbrotia - by Alex Bustillo

Monday, July 13, 2009

It's just never enough with you is it?

"It's just never enough with you is it? Always wanting more, always needing more to be satisfied!" She became silent and stared in the mirror ...

I wish I hadn't forgotten my sense of humour at the scene of the crime ...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A good fuck.

I lost my will to live
she said ...

Nothing some good old marvellous sex can't fix
he replied.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Blablabla the kid's gotta have a name

I don't know why I'm doing what I do
I don't know why I am the way I am
- or partly I do,
still so much to discover about myself ...

Enjoy the moment,
Enjoy the day
Enjoy the leaf
that comes your way.

I hardly have pictures of myself
I think have more pics of my boots
So I dolled around today
To examine my metamorphosis
with closer looks

Monday, July 6, 2009

Windows free my mind

Windows of uncertain closing
that should be open
Windows where you can only see a glimpse
of a closed mind

Once my windows were shut
But luckily somebody reminded me
You might get hurt, but isn't it worth a shot
To discover all out there
Visit other minds
Why are you so closed my girl,
so confined.

Set those windows free in the blazing wind
the burning sun, the freezing cold
For if not, you will not have lived at all ...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Distinct milestones of little value.
It all means so much
and nothing at the same time.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The grapevine

The grapevine told me this morning ... The other work being practicaly finished ... I can continue here again - even if it's just for a while, a moment snapped in time, a moment where I can be myself, if you know what I mean ... Thank you Marilyn!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ode to a madman

There used to be a madman
That told me stories from the street
Everyone said: mind your own business!
But he wanted me to learn, to teach.

Oh how do I grieve upon his passing
Those hours in the night, moon in sight
and booze to warm us up
I would say, thank you my friend
Thank you for educating me to the world.

Your advice was to the point,
Your lessons unforgettable
For to survive in Real Life
you just need that kind of background.

Thank you for giving me an open mind
To know what the world was about
instead of the fairytales of before
You told me the truth so bold.